Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Story of me PART DUCE!

So when we last left off I had scheduled the Lap to find out if all this craziness was in fact this ENDOMETRIOSIS that everyone was talking about.

So the day comes and my sissy takes me to the hospital for this 15 min procedure.

I go in and change and get all comfy into the bed. They tell me what is going to take place and when I wake they will have answers.

I say see-ya to my sissy and they wheel me to pre-op room, where my anesthesiologist comes and introduces himself to me. He explains that he will give me something to relax me before they wheel me to the room.
He has this needle and I am like

Me: Whats that?

him: OH this is your martini....

he inserts it in my IV

Me: When is it supposed to kick in?

him: Oh any sec



so the next thing I remember is waking up to see my sissy and my mom ( which was not there when I went in ) standing over me crying..

Nope just REALLY MESSED UP.... I get wheeled to the recovery room where I look up and see the most beautiful man ever, AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME. He turned me down.

When I was awake enough to fully comprehend and understand the OB informed me then that I would NEVER have kids and that I had the worst case of Endo he had ever seen.
The reason my mom was there was that he had to have my sister call her to give him permission to give me a Full Hysterectomy. ( Thank the Lord she said NO )

So I was informed that my 15 min surgery had in fact been about 3 hours. That he had never seen Endo so sever in a person my age, he said its usually that bad in a lady in her late 60's early 70's
He informed me that I had large tumors all over inside of me that were so extensive that he could not get them all. He said it looked as if someone had opened me up and poured a bag of sand in me. THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS...

So here I am a newlywed that has a darling hubby that wants LOTS OF KIDS...
I have 2 sisters that are like I will be a surrogate for you.. ( aw thanks but NO )
so that night when darling hubby called I told him I wanted to get a divorce. ( I told him this knowing it would be the best, He wanted kids and I was told I COULD NOT HAVE THEM. )

thankfully he said NO we will adopt if we have too.

So after I was healed enough to go see my Dr. he started me on Depro Lupron its a shot you have to get every 30 days. NOT 31 or 29 but every 30 days.
well this was Oct and Darling hubby would be home in Dec.
What he didn't tell me was that the medicine not only shut my estrogen down to basically put me in Menopause but it shut EVERYTHING DOWN...

Darling hubby gets home and was a tad shocked to see how much weight I actually gained, but he still loved me. after being on the shot for 6 months I had to have ANOTHER Lap to see how well the shot worked.

I go in this time with my darling hubby right by my side. I wake up and find out the shot did NOTHING... I was actually worse than before.

So not only am I MAD as all get out, I am frustrated. I mean HELLO I am 21 and have now been in Menopause for 6 months. Horrible hot flashes, mood swings, emotional breakdowns you name it I WAS A WRECK....

So the Dr. suggest I try this pill that I have to take every 4 hours around the clock. So begins the new stage in life where I am held captive to a watch... Yep I was always keeping an eye on the clock.
In fact the pill was WAY harder then the shot. I thought the hot flashes and mood swings where bad before. NOPE... WAY worse on the pill.

So here I am 21 been in Menopause for 6 months and now I have to do it for another 3 months.
I was informed that I could only do it another 3 months then I had to stop... You see what this lovely pill did was pump in testosterone and if I stayed on the med for longer than 9 months I would start getting male features.



GROW A ADAMS APPLE ( hehehehe I added that one. I really don't think that was going to happen )

so here I have had basically my entire life turned UPSIDE DOWN in 1 year.

Come to find out that if you remember WAYYYYYY back in the 9th grade had they actually tried to find the cause of the long heavy periods and pain they would have known that I had Endo, Instead they shoved BC down my throat. And if you have no idea what Endometriosis is then I recommend you read up on it.


You have pain HERE TAKE BC

you have heavy periods HERE TAKE BC

Your moody HERE TAKE BC...

I get so angry when I hear of OB's giving their patient BC instead of trying to find the root of the problem.

Anyways I digress
So my 3 months are up.
I have been through 2 laps, been on the shot for 6 months and the pills for 3
at this point there was nothing else that could be done.

I am angry and feel like a horrible wife.

Then My older sister gets preggo.. ( can you say SLAP in the face? )
I remember her feeling bad about telling me. I was SOOO happy for her but sad for Darling hubby.
I remember I was at her house and my mom was giving me a perm. My mom said she had a dream that I was Preggo. Then my sissy said She had too had a dream that I was. I laughed it off and said WELL WE ALL KNOW THAT CAN"T HAPPEN....


after my mom and sister kept hounding me to take a test i did it to shut them up and LOW AND BEHOLD +
I was scared outta my wits. I was super excited but still scared. I mean here I had all these toxins pumped into my body and NOW I am preggo.... REALLY?

So 9 months of bliss. I have a beautiful baby boy.... Grasshopper was and is perfect in every way...
the Dr told me that since I was able to get preggo that I should start trying right away for a second.
6 months passed and We started trying, and trying, and trying.... Nothing. in that time I had visits from Aunt Flo but they were not as painful had they been in the past.
Until one day 3 years later it hit me outta the blue. And I KNEW my ugly curse was back... I went to the OB and he told me that I knew what had to be done. YEP ANOTHER LAP to see how bad... But you see I had 2 then got preggo had to have an emergency C-Section then when grasshopper was 6 months old I had to have an emergency appendectomy then a year later on Christmas Eve my gallbladder had to come out. and here I am told I have to have then 2 years later I tore my rotator cuff.

So you see in 6 years I had, had 6 surgeries. I WAS IN NO HURRY FOR YET ANOTHER.

So I did something different. I went to a natural path and he put me on a remedy and had me cut out all forms of caffeine from my diet. 3 months later the Lord blessed us again with another +
9 months later out popped Rang Tang via C-Section. Kidneys were having issues and he had to come out.

We moved to Texas when Rang Tang was 5 months old. I interviewed OB's and found one I really liked.
I explained my history and how bad it was. ( I really think he thought I was WAY OVER EXAGGERATING)
I had my lovely visits from Aunt Flo and right off the bat they were painful. No break or anything.

I called the OB and begged and pleaded for some type of pain med to get me through the visits. He would but tell me that I REALLY NEED TO TRY IBUPROFEN... HAHA...

well I tried a few more meds to put me in Menopause AGAIN to try and cure it or settle it, Nothing worked.
then in June of 07 i was having horrible pain in my behind. ( I thought HEMORRHOIDS REALLY? ) so I go see my OB who does a ultrasound and says NO you have a HUGE tumor on your Left ovary that we need to go in NOW and remove.
2 days later I was going in for yet another lovely surgery...
I wake up this time to find out that NO it was NOT a tumor but a HUGE ENDO mass surrounding my left ovary.
He was able to save the ovary and was utterly SHOCKED how bad I actually had Endo... HE said NEVER had he seen it that bad. It was all over my Liver. he took pictures to show his colleagues. GREAT MY LIVER HAS HEAD SHOTS. =)

He apologized for never believing how bad and from then on when Auntie Flo would visit he would gladly give me Oxycontin.
6 months after that Lap I had this horrible pain high up on my left side. I thought Kidney infection. I went to the walk in where they said I had to go to the ER I was urinating blood. SO of course they thought Kidney infection. Nope an ultrasound showed that my left ovary had twisted. They they wanted to do emergency surgery.

Something told me to GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL... I had a HORRIBLE panic attack and checked myself out. Of course the Dr was not happy neither was darling hubby. ( this was all on a Saturday )

I called my Ob that Monday, told him what the ER Dr. said, he told me to come in. He did another ultrasound and this is how it went

Him: Mindy that Endo mass I removed 6 months earlier is back and BIGGER....
ME: REMOVE THE OVARY ( crying hard )
Him: I know this is not what you wanted, but I think we don't have another choice,
Me: I know... just do it. I can't keep coming back in every 6 months for this.

So the next day I had my left ovary removed. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days I spiked a fever.

So now I am down 1 ovary and we were still trying to have another baby.....

8 months later the pain was so unbearable and I was tired of living everyday at this point in pain. I was tired of always having to tell my little monkeys.


It was time.... so on June 18th of 2008 I had everything removed. It was the day I became a broken womb less mom.

I will not lie... I HATED darling hubby for about 6 months for allowing me to have it done, I thought that he should have stopped me.
I hated myself,
I mean this is not how it was supposed to be. You grow up, get married and have babies, then when the time is right you go through the change.

I still have days where I want to crawl into the fetal position and cry...

but you know it will be 2 years this June and I HAVE NO PAIN... I can go out and play with my boys and not have to say NOT NOW...

I can live my life and KNOW that my boys are now going to grow up with fun memories of me and not of me always in pain laying on the couch...

In a way the full hysterectomy has been a blessing and a curse
I am blessed that I can now live the life that I have wanted. But cursed knowing that I will never again feel a life grow in me,
Now Darling hubby has said before
I know he is right. but I also know that at least before I had the opportunity.

What makes me the most angry is the LACK of research and the education that is lacking for OB's.

I mean if this had been a male disease that was So painful and the only cure for them was total CASTRATION... then I THINK THERE WOULD BE ALOT MORE RESEARCH DONE....

I mean COME ON.... this disease is causing woman to be infertile.... THERE HAS GOT TO BE MORE DONE!!!

SO there you have it, The story of ME....
I am sorry about the Grammer. I did forwarn you that I am horrible at it. But if you were able to read all this and NOT fall asleep I hope you learned something, and if you have a sister, daughter, wife, or mother that is going though any of these symptoms I IMPLORE you to have them tested, ( just a FYI the only way yo test for it is a LAP )
But trust me finding out early is way better than taking BC and masking the symptoms and ending up infertile.

Go get checked if you think you may have it. And if you do. I AM PRAYING FOR YOU ENDO SISTER....


Laura said...

I had endo when I was in my early 20's also and I also self-diagnosed it. I went to my doctor after having pains that would literally have be doubled over like I had been stabbed. It took the lap to confirm and I went on Provera for 6 months. Thankfully for me, though I was getting terrible pain previously, mine was a mild case that I caught fairly early and I haven't had issues since.

Mindy Skains Independant Scentsy Consultant said...

I am so glad that you got it taken care of. I hope that one day there is alot more research done and a cure.

Jen said...

I really don't know what to say but I also know it's kind of rude to visit a blog and not comment haha.. I am sorry you had to go through this but I am so happy you are pain free and enjoying life with your boys :) I am not going through this, and I don't know anyone who is, but that doesn't mean that I won't someday, so thanks for sharing such a personal story :)

SSBenjamins said...

Thank You for sharing your story, I was actually going to do a post on my story with endo, wow does our stories sound so similar, my pain started way back in my elementary days. I have had 6 pregnancies with the result of 2 little girls, both premature, stillborn at 24 weeks and the other's miscarriages 8 weeks, 20 weeks and 10- I am in pain with the endo but don't think the Dr.'s really listen. Hang in there, I am looking to "try" and have another baby but really I am not sure it will happen.
Lupron made me nutty too.. Thanks for your story..

S.I.F. said...

I am literally crying reading this (I don't know why I never saw it before?) It sounds so similar to me; every doctor who has seen me has been in awe of "how bad" it is (especially in comparison to my nearly perfect records from just 2 years ago)... It breaks my heart every time I hear it. I get endometriomas too (the tumors), big and swallowing my ovaries. My first doctor actually had me so convinced I had cancer it wasn't even funny.

Ugggg. I HATE this disease.

But I love that you have your babies... It gives me hope. My first doctor wanted me to have a histerectomy too... Changing doctors was the BEST thing I ever did.

OneGirl said...

I'm glad you shared your story. It's sad, but I think it also gives hope to those experiencing the same thing. Thanks for sharing :)